The Cost of Leaving
- 4 days ago
- 5 min read
For most survivors, the hardest barrier between them and safety isn't courage. It's money — and that is not an accident.
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"Why didn't she just leave?"
Anyone who has actually tried can answer that in about four seconds. Because the security deposit is $1,800. Because the car is in his name. Because her credit score is 480 and no landlord will touch her. Because the joint account was emptied on Tuesday. Because leaving with two kids and no savings is not just an act of courage — it's a math problem, and the math has been rigged for years.
The math nobody talks about
Financial abuse is not a side effect of domestic violence. It is one of its primary tools. According to the National Network to End Domestic Violence, financial abuse occurs in 99 percent of domestic violence cases — making it nearly universal, and yet the form of abuse the public understands least.
It rarely looks dramatic. It looks like a partner who insists on handling "all the boring money stuff." Who puts every account, lease, and utility in his name. Who calls her workplace until she is written up or starts a fight every morning she has an early shift. Who opens a credit card in her name and runs it to the limit. Who gives her an allowance and demands receipts.
The effects follow survivors into the workplace and out the other side. Published research has put the share of survivors who lose a job for reasons stemming from the abuse somewhere between 21 and 60 percent. The National Domestic Violence Hotline reports that domestic violence costs roughly eight million lost work days in the United States every year, and that the overwhelming majority of employed survivors say the abuse affected their ability to do their jobs.
When advocates survey survivors about why they stayed, or why they went back, financial security is consistently near the top of the list. Not fear alone. Not love alone. The rent.
An abuser who controls the money does not need to stand at the door. The bank statement does the work for him.
The trap that follows you out the door
There is a specific and vicious version of this that survivors often don't discover until months after they've left: coerced debt.
Coerced debt is debt taken out in your name through pressure, threat, fraud, or force. A partner who made you sign for a card. A partner who forged your signature on a loan. A partner who told you what would happen if you didn't co-sign. According to the Center for Survivor Agency and Justice, roughly half of domestic violence survivors carry coerced debts, typically up to $20,000.
What's changing right now
This is one of the fastest-moving areas of survivor law in the country, and most survivors have no idea it's happening.
New York's coerced debt law took effect on June 17, 2026, making it the eighth state to give survivors a direct route out. Rather than suing, a survivor can submit a Notice of Coerced Debt to the creditor. If it's accepted, the debt is flagged as disputed on their credit report, their liability is discharged, collection efforts must stop, and their contact information stays confidential. Survivors can take action against creditors who ignore it.
Vermont's governor signed a coerced debt bill in May 2026, and Connecticut's protections are now in force. California, Texas, and Illinois already had versions on the books.
Colorado goes further on August 12, 2026, when HB26-1309 formally writes economic abuse and coercive control into the state's definition of domestic violence — meaning the financial control itself becomes something a court must weigh, including in custody decisions.
If you are carrying debt you did not agree to, it is worth finding out today whether your state is one of these. The answer may have changed since the last time you looked.
What's actually available — not someday, now
Emergency shelter keeps someone alive for a few weeks. It does not rebuild a credit score.
A newer generation of programs is aimed squarely at the part that comes after, and most survivors have never heard of them.
Credit rebuilding through a 0% microloan
NNEDV's Independence Program offers interest-free, fee-free microloans built for one purpose: creating a positive credit history from scratch. A First Step Loan is $100, repaid at $10 a month over ten months. Complete it, and you can move up to a $500 or $1,000 loan. Since 2017, more than 1,010 survivors have completed loans, with an average credit score increase of 18 points. It requires working with a domestic violence advocate and a simple monthly budget, and is not currently available in Mississippi or Ohio.
Unrestricted cash and matched savings
FreeFrom runs a Safety Fund that provides flexible cash with no rules attached to how it's spent, and a savings match that adds a dollar for every dollar saved — up to $55 a month, plus an annual bonus, totaling as much as $1,440 in a year. Their Compensation Compass tool walks survivors through what financial reimbursement they may legally be owed. Programs run seasonally, so survivors submit an interest form and are contacted when a cycle opens.
Financial coaching and income building
The same organization runs My Next Steps, a twelve-week financial resilience program, along with group coaching and monthly webinars on credit and debt. Its GIFTED platform helps survivors earn income by selling what they make, online and at in-person marketplaces. Ask your local advocate what regional equivalents exist — many state coalitions run their own matched-savings and job placement programs.
If you are still in it, and quietly planning
You do not have to leave this week to start. Some of the most useful steps are invisible.
Open an account your partner doesn't know about, at a different bank from your joint accounts, with statements set to paperless and a password you have never used before. Even a small balance is leverage.
Copy the documents, don't take them. Photograph your ID, birth certificates, Social Security cards, tax returns, pay stubs, lease, car title, and insurance. Store them in a cloud account your partner cannot reach, or with someone you trust.
Write down what happens to the money. Dates, amounts, accounts, and who opened what. This documentation is exactly what a coerced debt claim, a protective order, or a divorce filing will eventually need.
Ask about workplace protections. Many states require employers to give survivors leave for court dates and medical care, and some let you break a lease early without penalty. These rights exist and are chronically underused.
Pull your own credit reports. All three are free once a year at the federally authorized site AnnualCreditReport.com. You need to know what is in your name before someone else tells you.
Free, confidential help — available 24/7
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)
Text: Send START to 88788
Deaf or hard of hearing (videophone): 1-855-812-1001
In immediate danger: Call 911
Chat online at thehotline.org
This article is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute legal or financial advice. Program terms, eligibility, and state laws change frequently — verify current details directly with each organization before relying on them. Laws vary by state and every situation is different. For guidance specific to your circumstances, please consult a licensed attorney.
